After presenting the script in University, I had class feedback and received the following tips:
- Dialogue needs to be more subtle, it is too expositional and bulky
- Too much of the story is in the past, brought up and not a major part of the film
- Need more drama - perhaps 'Harry' makes an appearance and adds more of a dramatic climax and adds more to Sean's development
- Perhaps turn the melancholy around in a more obvious way
- Not the best idea to have the feelings shown relying on Sean's explanation of them
- Micromanaging - Too much direction in action and parenthesis
- Actions need to be more succinct, it is too cluttered and slowed down - I need to only mention what is essential to forwarding the story in the script
- Why does this happen to Sean today? - So far it is dramatic convenience
- Nothing in the script so far seems strong enough to 'tip' Sean to change
- Dialogue is too on-the-nose
- To many elipses, hesitations and pauses
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